Judge Not Lest Ye be... Praised?

This is going to be a slightly more serious entry.  Apologies.  Here, I take an extended sabbatical and then repay the patience of those of you who waited out my self-boycott by gifting you a decided lack of humor.  I don't mean to kick you when you are down, I really don't.  I just can't help it.  You're so easy to kick.  All the way down there, right next to my feet.

Also, dinner wasn't ready... AGAIN.

For those of you who had not heard, a BYU player was recently dismissed from his basketball team for having sex with his girlfriend.  There are so many, many things that upset me about this.  So many aspects I can criticize.  I could easily write 2-3 entries on it and, you know what, I will.  Because it's my fucking blog.  My first major issue with all this after the jump.

Pole Lit is I a Shun

I take for granted that most people who might constitute my readership know I am political and know where I stand politically.  However, in the, perhaps, delusional hope that my audience continues to expand, I will take a second to address those of you that might be less familiar with my habitat on the Ideological Spectrum.

First.  I am a Republican.  Now, most of the time, when someone gets to know me prior to learning of my party affiliation, they then, upon learning of my allegiance, do one of three things. 1) Laughter.  Haha.  Surely you jest.  No, I'm serious, and stop desecrating Leslie Nielsen by stealing his material.  Fucking plagiarist. 2) Confusion.  Perhaps it is opposite day.  Sometimes, people forget to mark opposite day on their calenders (or else, they mark every day but opposite day.) 3) Anger.  As if I have betrayed everything they thought they knew about me.  Sometimes, then they accuse me of drinking unicorn blood, to which I scoff.  Do you know how expensive that shit is?  I generally have to settle for a soy substitute.

In the case of the meat, the substitute is preferable.  Also, don't ever do a Google images search for "unicorn" if you value your sanity.

We're Receiving Conflicting Reports

I was working on a couple different entries yesterday.  Both got shelved at about 10 am this morning.

Let me start by stating the obvious.  I am not a real journalist.  I never went to J-School.  I've never written trite copy for some independent rag.  I've never toiled away a day, tracking down sources, rooting through public records, trying to get a story.  I've never been to Iraq.  I've never seen a disaster scene first hand.  I'm not that guy.  That guy is awesome, he's got some killer fucking boots.