Government IV: The People, Bye The People

So.  There was a State of the Union address last night.  Did you watch it?  I did not.  I've made it a goal in my life to avoid as many State of the Union (or SOTU, as the kids call them) addresses as possible.  By and large, they are worthless.  They are dull, elongated diatribes full of empty affirmations and vapid reassurances broken up only by the excessive and excruciating pause lines.  I've watched dog shows as well and the only functional difference between the two is that I've rarely found myself saying, "Awwwwww.  Look at that cutey face!" during a SOTU address.

Whose a big pwesident?  Whose a big pwesident?  You are!  Yes you are!

Today, our office also tried to place an order for some laptops.  To see how these two matters are related... infuriatingly, ridiculously related, continue reading after the jump.

For a Day, We're All Equal!

I originally was going to take a vacation from posting today, but decided that spewing my nonsense serves to both elevate my spirits as well as darken yours.  I'm also experimenting with a new ad "feature" (notice the quotation marks, indicating that I am implying sarcasm in my commentary.)  I added Amazon Associates, which may or may not be overly intrusive.  I am also not certain if I'm even allowed to comment on the addition or if that violates some policy somewhere.  I felt I should, though, as a bit of a heads up to y'all so you understand what some of the links you see are.

I plan on being judicious with this new power and not using it to the point of absurdity.  I also plan to use it chiefly for products I actually endorse and not just random shit.  Still, let me know if you find the whole thing obnoxious and I will cease.  As I noted before, I am sensitive to the balancing act of my own profitability against your enjoyment, limited and transitional as it may be.  Real post after the jump.

Pole Lit is I a Shun

I take for granted that most people who might constitute my readership know I am political and know where I stand politically.  However, in the, perhaps, delusional hope that my audience continues to expand, I will take a second to address those of you that might be less familiar with my habitat on the Ideological Spectrum.

First.  I am a Republican.  Now, most of the time, when someone gets to know me prior to learning of my party affiliation, they then, upon learning of my allegiance, do one of three things. 1) Laughter.  Haha.  Surely you jest.  No, I'm serious, and stop desecrating Leslie Nielsen by stealing his material.  Fucking plagiarist. 2) Confusion.  Perhaps it is opposite day.  Sometimes, people forget to mark opposite day on their calenders (or else, they mark every day but opposite day.) 3) Anger.  As if I have betrayed everything they thought they knew about me.  Sometimes, then they accuse me of drinking unicorn blood, to which I scoff.  Do you know how expensive that shit is?  I generally have to settle for a soy substitute.

In the case of the meat, the substitute is preferable.  Also, don't ever do a Google images search for "unicorn" if you value your sanity.

We're Receiving Conflicting Reports

I was working on a couple different entries yesterday.  Both got shelved at about 10 am this morning.

Let me start by stating the obvious.  I am not a real journalist.  I never went to J-School.  I've never written trite copy for some independent rag.  I've never toiled away a day, tracking down sources, rooting through public records, trying to get a story.  I've never been to Iraq.  I've never seen a disaster scene first hand.  I'm not that guy.  That guy is awesome, he's got some killer fucking boots.