Thursday, October 10, 2013


Oh man.  It's Thursday isn't it?  Listen.  I had some alcohol last night.  And some wings.  And maybe more alcohol.  The bottom line is I don't have a post for you yet.  I AM SORRY.

I will have one before 5 pm today.  Pinky swear.  In the meantime, just, you know, try not to make any loud noises.

Monday, October 7, 2013

The House that Morons Built

Do you remember Barbara Garcia?  Probably not, but you remember her video that went viral.  Here she is with her... well... I won't spoil it if for some reason you haven't seen it:

It's a heart warming piece that her doggy best friend survived but, at the same time, it's also very sad because she didn't have insurance and now her and Bowzer are homeless.  Except, you see, they aren't.  Because the Fucking Internet built them a Fucking House.  That's right.  They just did it.  1,600 people, mostly strangers, just got together and built this woman a house.  Or, well, their money did at least.

Like a Real Fucking House
So why, I ask, is our government so awful?  Find out what a tornado and Congress have in common (just write in your own joke here in the meantime) after the jump.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Fuck You

For those of you that don't know me that well, you might not realize that this is my favorite time of year.  I love Halloween.  I love it so much.  It's a holiday that revolves around horror and darkness and the macabre; which are all things I enjoy.  But it's also a holiday that embraces gluttony for all ages, be it of candy or booze or sexual debauchery.  And it's all perfect.  Because, in the end, it's the only holiday that's about individuality and creativity and the bizarre.  Halloween is perfect because, and I can't stress this enough, every person gets to make it how they want to.  Children get to make it a night of sugar and princesses and ninjas and excuses to stay up too late playing games.  Young adults get to make it a night of drinking with friends and homemade costumes and sex.  Older adults can make it a night of special food and snuggling around a TV to watch horror movies (and, hopefully still sex.) 

THERE IS NO WRONG WAY TO CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN.  It's the one night we get to be who we want to be and do what we want to do, young or old, rich or poor, it's the night we get to embrace fantasy and excess and it is glorious.

So why then do they keep trying to take it from us?  Anger after the jump.

Sunday, September 29, 2013


To what readers I may have, after swearing I'd have, you know, a regular update schedule to martial an audience, I'm feeling too down to write a quality entry for tomorrow.  Apologies to all.  I shall get back on schedule this week, I promise.  The hardest part about being a regular writer is that I am temperamental as to when I can be truly creative and that temperament is more one of hopelessness and self-defeating regret than it is of "bringing internet funnies" right now.

Friday, September 27, 2013

C.R.E.A.M. (Part 1)

I want to talk today about dolla, dolla bills.


Two things I was recently exposed to on the World* Wide Web, both concerning wealth.  The first, is this article from Forbes.  The second is this video from John Green:

And, BTW, if you aren't regularly watching vlogbrothers then, please, donate your internet connection to someone that will put it to better use.  In any case, these two pieces of "information" got me thinking about one of my favorite topics "The Fallacy of the American Dream" (to juxtapose with my previous entry that propagated that Dream through a fat plumber with a psilocybin addiction.)  More economic disenchantment after the jump.

*North Korea, China, Iran and most of the Middle East Notwithstanding

Monday, September 23, 2013

It'sa Me!

Housekeeping:  It's my intent, foolish as it may be, to go to a twice weekly update schedule (Mondays and Thursdays).  I've attempted thrice weekly in the past and, it turns out, that's just too.  Goddamn.  Much.  As it stands, twice weekly is probably going to fail because I am not good at this but I have to lower my own standards.

The other day, I made a comment on a Facebook post about how Nintendo saved the video game industry.  A friend of mine refuted this and, to be fair, it is a bit of an urban legend that Nintendo saved the industry.  There really was no "Video Game Crash" as it has become popularized as, more of a "video game meh."  But, that doesn't make what Nintendo did any less impressive and, really, despite the face we're talking about a Japanese company, Nintendo has become a cornerstone of Americana.  All because of one little guy who is really good at doing what this blog post is about to do.  Jump.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Taking the Axe Back to the Ol' Grindstone

So... blogging huh?  Yeah.  Back to the olllllllll' blog.  To write insightful things for the internet to enjoy.  Blogging.  Totally blogging.  So much stuff to write about.  Each thing more entertaining and edgy than the last.

Oh!  I have something!  Yay, an idea for a post.  Thank Jeebus, because I was this close (I am holding my fingers a very, very short distance apart right now) from just faking a seizure and that, it turns out, is extremely difficult to do in text form.  Still, gonna keep that little gem in my back pocket.  Also, no pictures for this post since I'm lazy with the cut and paste and don't want to incur copyright wrath when I'm just barely back to doing this nonsense.  Real content after the jump.