Monday, October 7, 2013

The House that Morons Built

Do you remember Barbara Garcia?  Probably not, but you remember her video that went viral.  Here she is with her... well... I won't spoil it if for some reason you haven't seen it:

It's a heart warming piece that her doggy best friend survived but, at the same time, it's also very sad because she didn't have insurance and now her and Bowzer are homeless.  Except, you see, they aren't.  Because the Fucking Internet built them a Fucking House.  That's right.  They just did it.  1,600 people, mostly strangers, just got together and built this woman a house.  Or, well, their money did at least.

Like a Real Fucking House
So why, I ask, is our government so awful?  Find out what a tornado and Congress have in common (just write in your own joke here in the meantime) after the jump.

Immabout to solve 5000 years of human socio-economic strife for y'all.  I have the answer to all of the questions that have plagued humanity.  Such as "what's the best economic system" or "why are people motivated to do X" and even "what is the meaning of life?"  Alright, you ready?  Ready to have your mind blown with all this insight?  Here we go:

People are basically socialist but, at the same time, find comfort in knowing we get what we deserve.

Listen, I don't know that this still from "Scanners" is public domain, or fair use, but IT MIGHT AS WELL BE SINCE THE INTERNET IS BUILT ON IT
 I know.  I know.  That statement doesn't seem profound but, for some reason, it is?  So, for those of you not paying attention, the Federal Government has been SHUT DOWN (and not in the exciting, Black Eyed Peas sense, but more in the "none of us can visit a national park" sense.)  Why?  Well, see, there is this thing called "Obamacare".  And there is a bit of a disagreement over what, exactly, the impact of it will be.

See, the Democrats claims it will cure all disease, free up innumerable economic assets, and bring about a modern utopia.  Whereas the Republicans claim it will result in roving death squads, child abductions, and, probably, sodomy.  Because, with them, it's always about the sodomy.  What I'm saying is there is a bit of a gap between ideology here.  So, ultimately, who is right?  No one.  No one is right.  But that has nothing to do with Obamacare, or the ACA, or whatever nomenclature you prefer.

I prefer to call it "Dr. Snugglebears Free Healing Hugs Program" or DSFHHP for short.
You see, at the end of the day, the pseudo-universal health care we got is kinda sorta what everyone wants.  Sorry, Republicans, but all the opinion polls that break down DSFHHP into its core components result in strong support.  At the end of the day, Americans want what DSFHHP brings to the table.  Why?  Well, Barbara.

You see Barbara, up there?  When Americans are faced with a person who has been dealt a shitty hand in life, we, generally, want to pitch in to help.  This is but one of thousands of examples of internet generosity.  Time and time again, when enough people are left to their own devices, they want to chip in and help the less fortunate, to support their fellow man.  And, ultimately, that is the drive of socialism.  People working together to help each other gain a more equal footing against the economic elite.  There are a dozen charity websites built on just that foundation.

Where it breaks down is when people think this system of community support is being taken advantage of.  This is wear this whole concept of, well, this, comes into play:

So, yeah, that's a thing.  At least on YouTube.  We can all sit around and argue about what degree it is actually a thing in the real world, but, the bottom line is, we all hate it.  Not even the most hemorrhaging of bleeding hearts would watch that video and say "You go girl!"  In part, you know, because it's not 1997.  Still, none of us want this kind of shit to happen.  And that gets to the second part of my statement:  We want people to get what they deserve.  We want to help out the less fortunate when their houses get hit by tornadoes.  We don't want to give people too lazy to work free food.  That's all pretty much common sense and, by and large, it's like how 85% of us truly feel.

We're all socialist in that we want everyone to have a chance and we want to help pull them up when they get knocked down so we can all compete equally but, then, once we are equal, we're all capitalist because we  all want to be able to have the same opportunities to compete.

That's America.  And ain't nothing wrong with that.

This image never gets old.

Which is why this whole opposition the the DSFHHP makes no sense to me.  America isn't a country where we want you to go fuck yourself because your home got hit by a tornado or you got cancer.  And, as much as people may bitch and moan about having to get health insurance, or their premiums going up, or whatever, we don't think people should suffer because God was making Jobian wagers and thought MS was a fine way to test some poor sucka's fate.

And I'm not just spouting liberal insanity.  The latest polls back me up on this.  Listen, do we love DSFHHP?  No.  Most of us hate it.  We either think it goes too far, or not far enough, or whatever.  But just because Bowzer and Barbara up there have too small of a house, or too big of a house, or it costs too much in overhead to build the house, or the house has too many windows is not reason to LEAVE HER IN A PILE OF RUBBLE.

And it sure as shit isn't reason to tear down the house we just built for her.  Because, at the end of the day, a house, ANY house, is better than no house and we aren't all fucking bastards.  Well... those of us who weren't elected to Congress aren't, at least.


  1. Two things:

    1) I was really happy when you brought it all back to the beginning. Because for a bit there I was like "how do Bowzer and Barbara have anything to do with "Dr. Snugglebears?" Then it all came back around and I was like "ooooh, nicely done JZ."

    2) WTF
    a) That fucking song is a thing? Are you.. Like. Yeah. Okay fine.
    b) I watched it to the end waiting for the punchline, I guess the whole thing was one big punchline...

  2. Gracias. And yes. To be fair, according to the "artist" it's kind of parody but kind of not. The whole thing is weird and just goes to show the internet is still, in many places, an intellectual dumpster fire.