Thursday, October 28, 2010

Second Mario Kart Test

Yoshi, average bike, 100cc, Flower Cup.

First Race. Mario Circuit. TWO BLUE SHELLS, A RED SHELL, A CHOMP ATTACK. Still won. Thank you 4-Loko, you are the R2DS to my Anakin Sky... fuck me.

Second Race. Mall Thing, whatever its called. Came in second. Was doing well but the goddamn... I don't know what it is, just would not die. Then I got hit with a red shell at the last second. Bad timing. Four Loko did not help on this one. Through a lot of wide turns. REAL FUCKING WIDE. Though, to be fair, at the point I'm driving in a mall, I think the reasonable suspicion argument is out the goddamn window.

Third Race. DK Summit. Let's put it this way, were this real driving, I likely would be dead. No, no, strike that, certainly dead. To be fair though, this is the most awful track in the history of MK anyway. Can't say the was 4-Lok's fault. Third place, need a hell of a final race. Let's just move on.

Final race. Wario's Gold Mine. Horrid. Just horrid. Dead six times over. Sixth place.

Silver overall. Rank of E. Suffice to say. Do not 4-Lok and drive. Especially if you are one of Arizona's many mine workers. And especially if you are a banana mine worker, what with all the slippery peels on the tracks. Think of your family. I mean, dying in a banana mine. Just... shame to your descendants.

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